The story of "Bob"

Life took an unexpected turn...Wait! Now that's a stupid way to begin! Since when does life ever take an "expected" turn?!! A turn is not a usually perceived as a good thing. "In a turn of events..." "In an unexpected turn...." Turning a phrase is good. Turning a corner can be good. Turning over a new leaf is good. (What happens to the old one?) But an unexpected turn....almost always bad.

A tumor of still unknown origin and undetermined length of residence was discovered in my Mothers abdomen. Now, to my knowledge, the only aliens ever to take up residence in her abdomen to date, are me and my two sisters. After numerous visits to a wide variety of medical professionals, my sisters and I have combined our considerable opinions and determined that the tumor is, in fact, our long lost brother--complete with red hair and bucked teeth. His name is Bob.

Bob, or rather the name Bob, has a long and checkered past in the our household. It all began with a children's song, in which all of this one persons' pets are named Bob. True to the nature of children, it was decided--nea--dogmatically insisted upon--that all of our pets in the future would be named "Bob". First there was the fish named Bob. I think he was here almost two weeks before he met his untimely death. Then there was the hamster named Bob. He was here two days when his dead body was exchanged at the petstore for Bob II. He was burried within a month. Then there was the parakeet, Bob. We were hesitant to name him/her Bob, but the course was already in motion. Bob the parakeet lasted for a few short months before he joined the rank and file of unfortunate, yet beloved pets named Bob. Given the historical significance (and short lives) of all creatures named Bob in our household, we vowed to not burden any further innocent animals with that name.

And then came Rachel's Migranes. She named them Bob in hopes they would follow the same short lives that their namesakes had lived. The migranes quit. Then there were the kidney stones Rachel birthed. She named them all Bob. They fought to stick around, but were ultimately relegated to a watery grave with the proper pomp and ceremony. And now Mom's tumor. This one is a big Bob. He simply has to go. Red hair, bucked teeth and all.

Karen